At 12:30 pacific time, the Large Hadron Collider (HLC) will be activated, beginning the first phase of human science's attempt to simulate the Big Bang. The upside of this is that we will peer into previously unknown realms of quantum physics, perhaps finding answers for some of the most bedevilling fundamental questions that currently plague theoretical physicists. The downside is that (perhaps) it may create a black hole that will destroy the universe... in the center of the earth. Which would be REALLY, REALLY bad.
So, to that end (and as your president), enjoy the next three hours. Personally, I intend to get drunk, play fighting games, and have already embraced the infinite by ordering a pizza.
And - as if the next three hours weren't frightening enough - just know that, should we survive the aftermath of the "on" switch, we can spend the next three weeks in terror until they turn the thing on itself (which is when the real danger begins, and the REAL simulation of the big bang happens).
In the mean time, know that I (probably) love you, and take comfort in the cheerful, robotic voice of Stephen Hawking, who told the press (when asked about these somewhat troubling concerns and what might happen after activating the 15 Billion dollar machine): "iF w3 kNeW wH4t W4s g0InG 2 H4pP3n, w3 woU1dN'T h4v3 Sp3Nt s0 mUcH m0N3y bu1LdInG th3 M4aHiN3.
"
Cheers!
hear the hawkmeister himself talk about it
